(Over)Weight

Today I want to write about something that I have struggled with, since ever I guess and that is (my) weight.

Since I was a child, I had to deal with overweight and it wasn’t as if I had been obese, I just always weighed more than I probably should have or more than „society“ categorized as „good“. Not only that I have suffered from that situation, but my mother did suffer too because she had to deal with people telling her that she didn’t give me the right food to eat, that it may be to much or unhealthy for a child. I know that my mom did a great job as a mother; she cooked every meal by herself and never gave me store-bought food to eat (I’m not saying that parents who give their children store-bought food, are bad parents). It must be horrible to hear  that you’re not “feeding” your child right, when you do your best to be a good mother.

I remember that at the age of 11, my mother and I went shopping and we looked for a bathing suit for school. It was a quite expensive shop and specialized on swimwear etc. Anyways, I had difficulties to find a fitting bathing suit because of my body shape when the saleswoman turned to my mother and said: “Well that happens, if you’re giving you’re child too much fast food and too much soft drinks”. What did she know?! I got over it, but I’m sorry for my mom who had to deal with it.

My childhood has been all about my weight. People at elementary school never accepted me because of my overweight. Children made fun of me, gave me funny names and bullied me. Gym teachers (especially women) never liked me; sometimes they even encouraged other children to make fun of me. At that time, I’ve never felt like being accepted. I was already a really shy child, but this experience made me so unsure about myself, it made me feel as if I couldn’t accept myself and my body because others didn’t and this really bashed my self esteem. Children easily believe what they are told, and if everybody’s telling you all the time that you’re fat and ugly, there comes a time where you begin to believe it. Children can be really mean sometimes and now I've realized, that whether you’re pretty, slim, chubby, intelligent, small or tall, people will always find something to criticize, always!

 I’ve never seen myself as obese; I never thought I wouldn’t be pretty just how I was, until I was told so. I don’t want to blame anyone and I’m not begging for pity. I want to let you know that, if you were or still are unaccepted because of you’re weight, looks or because you just don’t fit in that costume that the world has made for you: don’t give a f***! Because you are beautiful, handsome, gorgeous and wonderful just how you are. If you accept yourself as you are and if you love it, than the others have to be fine with that, or else you don’t need them in your life. You have to live with your body, your mind and soul, no one else but you and who cares if other people don’t know to appreciate your gorgeousness?! As long as you are in peace with your body and soul, you shouldn’t let the pressure from the outside mess up with that.

If the pressure get’s too much, don’t be scared to confide in someone. I wish I had, but I didn’t. Sometimes, it is nice to have a family, a friend or just a beloved person telling you that nothing is wrong with you and that you are perfect on your own beautiful way.

Today, I’m still not really comfortable with my body, but I’m working on it. I think that you shouldn’t just leave things as they are. If something’s wrong, fix it, if you’re unhappy with your body, work on it. And by “working on it” I mean both, physically and mentally. I’m probably not the right person to tell you to get fit, because every time I tried, I failed. However, I think that you have the power to be whoever you want to be and to look however you want to look. But also, you have to accept your body how it is and I think that this is even more difficult than the “get fit” part. To accept your body, when others don’t is really hard, but necessary. If you don’t accept and appreciate yourself, how should others then? Being confident and loving yourself, starts with you.

Remember to stay strong and to love yourself, always and uncompromisingly.

"Beauty is being the best possible verison of yoursself on the inside and out."